I am a little red caboose...I think I can, I think I can....forgetting that she lives in a word of high powered planes and lightening fast trains. I think I can....she decided, "well If I cannot go to the mountain...I will bring the mountain home to me." "if you ask, believing, that this mountain be moved it shall be moved into the sea."
So I believed. I invited maybe 15 people, knowing I'd be lucky if a third of them showed up. Well, I had three takers. One who was in a hurry and can only have a cup of tea and then leave. One whom I haven't heard from or see in months --she said she 's coming but she is terribly unreliable.. And lady number three just called to cancel.
Don't people understand? I'm not asking you to bring goodies. JUst SHOW UP AT MY HOUSE and share the treats I baked for you at great physical expense. Drink the of the gazillion varieties of tea I have here,.,,Talk to me. Laugh with me. I promise not once to mention my pain or my illness.
The world is too damn busy ....they cannot take time to do a good service....one where all they need to do is show up. I put no demands on anyone. I provided everything. And no one was good enough to come or even to respond.
Some people suck.
Even God's people....fall right on in there. So now I will be very lucky if two women show. I want to cry.
Back on that red caboose. I've climbed the mountain...and suddenly instead of going forward I'm full speed BEHIND -- crashing back into the valley from whence I'd come.
Is it me? Is it my illness? Am I an unlikeable person? I know I'm kind of serious....kind of shy. But I don't think I'm a person that no one wants to have around.
What about you my friends. Have your "normie" friends left you in the dust? What can we do about it. I may buy us a bunch of t-shirts that say "I have a diseases: and it isn't cooties"
Brainstorm with me. What can we do about the world that is too busy and moving to fast to slow down enough to have fellowship with us? Do you find even your best friends have to "pencil you in"? How do you handle this?
I agree, people are too busy! When all is said and done about all of the frantic flying around, what was it for?
I'm so sorry for your efforts, only to be disappointed like this. I know what an undertaking this was for you and can surely imagine how upset and frustrated you are. You just cannot let any of the few who DO show up see this, as this does not belong to them.
I have these get-togethers only for my family now, and can't always rely on them coming, or coming on time either! Their plans change 25 times on any given thing! Really! Never seen anything like it!
I honestly don't know what the answer is, could be timing with last minute vacations, or back to school mania, but I know it's heart breaking.
Gosh, Quadosh - I would have shown up with bells on if I had a friend who invited me over for little treats like that! I live in a super-busy over-crowded city and it's so rare I get an invitation like that. I also thought maybe "Is it my breath?" LOL! Nope, it's not you --- it seems everyone has an overcrowded schedule these days. I did get one of those rare invites for next Sat for 3 hours --- but I have to ask to use vacation hours on Friday just to do the errands I would be able to do for those 3 hours on Sat --- so I guess that's the situation most people are in. Still, I would treasure a friend like you to make time for her friends and bake them some goodies for a little chat and laughter.
I just don't invite people to my house. I have a few good friends at church and sometimes we go out to eat after church. I go to a Bible study/discussion at a friend's house one night a week and there is where I find companionship. All the regulars are loving and interested in me and my life, and even interested in my two old dogs. I don't know what I would do for a social life without these people--just wither away I guess--God bless them.
I try not to have expectations, so that way I can only be grateful, instead of disappointed. And I’m honest and open about how I’m feeling, but when I feel good, I make an effort to spend time with people I love.
I am so sorry that people are too busy to share the gift of time with you. Frankly I have always been one of those people who lived in a whirlwind of work and then being a single working parent. I never had time to really make friends and now I don’t have anyone to share the time with. I told my therapist that I am fearful of becoming one of those old ladies that have been dead on the floor for days at a time and no one will ever notice.
But still, don’t give up the effort. Sometimes I think that even if one person shows all is not lost. Being chronically ill we seem to lose our chance to have relationships because people are fearful that we may talk about being ill and it makes them uncomfortable. Some people use their busy schedule as an excuse. Relationships change and people drift. Keep baking. I admire someone who can move mountains to do that. Keep asking them over anyway. The commute from NJ would be tough but I can be bribed with cookies or muffins…
Life changes change things; including friends. Try not to be too hard on them. Maybe instead of spending your energy baking treats, join a support group for people with chronic illness. My church has a group just for that purpose, or start one yourself. In any case, you’ll need to find a new play ground with new friends. Or maybe take your treats to someone even more unfortunate than you are.
It turned out that only one person showed up....and she is on a special diet due to allergiest so could not eat anything I made... PLUS she brought a box of cookies. I would love to take this stuff elsewhere, but I do not drive any longer so that is impossible. My family will make short work of them. and none of them need it either.
Thanks for your encouragement. It turned out ok...we had some tea (I collect teas so have about a hundred choices. It was good to get to know her a little better.
SK said:
Hi Cynthia,
I agree, people are too busy! When all is said and done about all of the frantic flying around, what was it for?
I'm so sorry for your efforts, only to be disappointed like this. I know what an undertaking this was for you and can surely imagine how upset and frustrated you are. You just cannot let any of the few who DO show up see this, as this does not belong to them.
I have these get-togethers only for my family now, and can't always rely on them coming, or coming on time either! Their plans change 25 times on any given thing! Really! Never seen anything like it!
I honestly don't know what the answer is, could be timing with last minute vacations, or back to school mania, but I know it's heart breaking.
I am so glad that someone came and that you had an opportunity to strengthen the friendship with her. I remember that we were always taught never to go anywhere without bringing something. In our house my mother baked for days before guests arrived and they all went home with something!
Perhaps you can do this again and invite the people who backed out? It’s their loss if they don’t come.
It’s wonderful that you have so many teas. Do you have a special place that you get them?
They not only have a multitude of teas, they also have all the tea utensils and tea sets as well.. Teavana is now a presence in a lot of malls...It's fun to go there and they always have samples you can try. They are pricy though. I went there once right after Christmas and they had every thing 75% off!! I got two large canisters of tea that normally were $75....and I got them for less than $20,00....and the tin was free (normally their tins are a separate charge).
I had the BEST tea infuser....I got it at a Williams/Sonoma...and it was $10 which is a little pricey but it was extremely well made. And suddenly it has disappeared. I know I had it in the sink to be washed and my cleaning lady must have washed it....and it has vanished. I'm sure she probably put it in some wacky place. I never can find things when she puts my dishes away. I hope it will turn up....i miss it.
This is the link to that tea infuser I am missing. I googled "tea infuser" and found some really cute ones....but this one is just a joy to use because it is so well made. I'm going to forgo the trinkets and re - order this one. Even if the other one shows up again...it would be okay to have two of them.
I admire your strength. Quite honestly I have thought about breaking out the fondue pot and inviting people over but I am concerned too about time, expense and no one showing up. I do appreciate the people in my life that make that kind of effort and now that I am divorced I am trying much harder to be the friend I'd like to have. (in ways I couldn't be before) Thanks for sharing.....it gives me encouragement to keep trying.
And I do agree that people are way too busy. The fact is people constantly say "we should get together" and I think they mean it but they rarely stop long enough to make it happen.
I wish we could all sit down together for tea. Wouldn't that be grand? We could have a virtual tea party. We could compare what pajamas or comfortable clothes we were wearing, as well as our beverages. Share our hobbies and interests. Maybe even a joke or two!
Yes, many of my 'fair weather' friends(?) have vanished. It's very sad to me. I think they just don't know what to do or say. My step-brother is so cute, he wants to hug me, but does it so gently, I hardly feel his body. We don't see each other very often...so it makes me sad, and joyful all at the same time. I love a good hug.... I only meet with the two 'real' friends I have left once in awhile....I would love to know what to do to make 'new' friends. But where I live is very rural, I don't belong to a church, so I'm at a loss. I signed up for a LFA living healthy course in Tampa, FL. It will be once a week, far away from where I live, (well 50 miles) so if I connect with somebody there, it won't be like we could visit or anything...oh well, I guess we need to be good to OURSELVES. Since we don't have many friends to visit with us. God bless you that do. Everyone, feel better....and keep your chin up. And let me know when the virtual tea party is!!!
oh....Mcspires...that's a wonderful idea but it makes me cry.
I used to have a chat-buddy and we often talked about how isolated our lives have become. She lived in E Texas and I'm in NE PA. So my sweet friend said "Let's have a tea party!" And we would each make a cup of tea (I even sent her a box of my favorite dessert tea) and she would describe the crumpets she was briinging and the bouquet of flowers on the table....
And one Easter when we both desperately want to go to the Sunrise service...I made a playlist of Easter songs on Youtube and I sent her the link. At 6:00 AM we went out on our decks and listened to the music...and then I callled her and read to her a devotional I had found on Easter....It was marvelous.
The reason I cry is that my friend - who was 70 years old-- went into respiratory failure and after being on a vent for a month, she went home to Jesus. I still cry when I think of her. SHe had a hundred year old body and an 18 year old mind.
I thikn the tea party would be fun.
Maybe we could all take some photos of our favorite tea cups and tea pots.
I don’t have any friends outside of my family, and I have 1 friend from the internet. We talk daily, and she is always in pain also. We support each other, especially when needed.
McSpires, I love your idea of a tea party online! We already have a chat room available, we just need to set up a time where we all meet up in the chat room and share our dreams, lives, and at times, disappointments. We already know a lot about each other, because we already open up on the forums.
Would anyone else be up for a weekly chat/tea time?