I have had SS for awhile and the emotional support I receive is very good but I have serious issues with depression, I lost my grandmother at the beginning of the year and I was extremely close to her especially since the last 3 years of her life were the worse. She had dementia and while for all of my life growing up she was the most lucid thoughtful person I had ever known in my life. She always showed up for any events that we had in or out of school and always showed her support for her family and grandkids. She loved us so much and slowly we started to notice she was forgetful and a little slower to her responses that her usual quick wit and funny humor, before she died she was a shell of the woman I always referred to as my hero but she and I had gotten back to a simple love where we were just happy to see each other and spend time together in that moment. I miss her so much and that has over taken my life. My sleep is minimum, my dreams are long and terrible, I have no energy when I get up in the morning, I have brain fog tremendously sometimes, and I have to deal with SS on top of it. I just feel like I am at the end of my rapidly coming apart rope and I just need someone to help other than the people I’ve talked to a million and one times because frankly I get tired of listening to myself whine that I don’t want to put other people that have to deal with me thru anymore. Sorry this isn’t all Sjogrens related but I think my Sjogrens has made me depression worse, it’s deeper than it was before and I’m having more difficulty with it now than I ever did before.
I’m so sorry your going through so much. My heart goes out to you and my understanding of loving and loosing a grandmother who was so important in my life. My grandmother was my security and a true unconditional lover of all her family. I can never be as good a person as she was but I am trying to be the same kind of parent and grandparent that she was. And I often wonder if she’d be proud of me and imagine her giggle at something I know she’d think was funny. Your not alone. Try to concentrate on your favorite memories or write it all down to honor her memory and take life a moment at a time and it will smooth out in time. This to shall pass, I say that to myself a lot these days its a reminder of better days ahead.
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and words I truly appreciate it, days seem to get longer and I feel like the pain is endless where sometimes I am fine and I don’t really think about it and then other days where I break down and cry because I miss her so much. Either way not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and remember how much I love her and miss her. I’m trying to take it one day at a time and remember all the good times and that works most of the time but I have my bad days just like everyone and I’m trying to deal with that as they come whether it be difficult or not.