Is anyone else out there still working? I have four kids and a full time job and I am finding it so hard to find rest time. My husband and I try to premake meals for the week but it still just seems so hard and I get so tired all I can do is cry. I had to eliminate quick easy foods because I also have diverticulitis and bad food hurts now, so between cooking meals and work and the kids after school activities and general housework I’m having a hard time finding the time to take care of myself, and I know this needs to be most important but I’m just not sure what I can give up. I’m just so tired, does anyone else feel as overwhelmed by this disease as I do? Sorry I’m being so negative today.
I don't think you sound negative at all, though overwhelmed seemed like a good adjective. I am a single and working mother too, so I have a good idea of what you are going through. I think you said it early on, when do you find time to rest? It actually sounds like you are well on the way to a good solution. You have a partner that is trying to help and you are adjusting as you go along. That's a very effective route that will serve you well in the long run. That being said, it is hard to keep plugging away when you are exhausted though so there will be times when you have to say that the vacuuming (dishwashing, dog grooming, whatever) will have to wait. It took me a little time to get my head around that as I took pride in doing it all. I guess that's part of acceptance. Prioritize what truly has to get done, vs things that "should" be done. That may help too. I'm sure the others will have lots of suggestions as well. Until then, sending good thoughts and gently hugs.
(((Hugs))) sometimes you just need to vent! Sounds like you are doing what you can to eliminate stressors! The only only suggestions I have, is ask kids to help out with some of the chores! And maybe you have another parent that goes to the same afterschool activities? Possible to get a night off a week, if they can be the responsible adult to chaperone! Maybe even trade off sleepovers? How old are your kiddos?
There is no doubt, your situation is challenging. Prioritizing is urgent. Maybe some things will have to wait, or be done differently. I know I have to rely on my husband a lot. Sometimes, it’s just for his ability to drive me somewhere because I just don’t have the energy. Where you can, think about taking a healthy, reasonable short cut. For example, have your husband pick up a pre-cooked chicken (or two) and you make a nice big salad and that will be the dinner for the evening.
Do you have anyone helping you with housekeeping? Maybe someone just once a month will help. Maybe your oldest two children can be paid to do some cleaning on the weekends…depending on their ages. I recall my kids even as youngsters could clean the bathroom sinks. Do you have any extended family you can call on for help once in a great while? Just knowing this, can be a relief. Not that you use often or abuse, but knowing you can get help in an emergency can take the strain off. make sure you eat properly, take your vitamins, keep junk food out of your house and rest when you can.
Thanks so much for the support everyone. You are right sometimes it just helps to let it all out. I have a 15 yr old daughter, a 11 yr old daughter, and twins, boy and girl who are 9. My husband works shift work and it’s 10 or 11 hours a day so it’s just me and them often, although when he is here he is amazing. My kids do help out a bit but I think I have the same problem where I liked being able to do it all. I do like the idea of bringing someone in once in a while to help out. I think I may try that. I don’t have any family or anyone here in my town that can help out unfortunately but my kids could probly take on a bit more. I live in a small town that doesn’t have a lot of resources unfortunately. I think maybe I need more of a routine that my body can get used to. Hard to do with kids haha
not to sound cruel or anything, but those girls 11 &15 are old enough to pitch in as are the 9yr olds. I was in your situation yrs ago I didn't make my kids help, and now at 58 ive been on disablilty for 4 years. im not happy about it either and somewhere in my head I keep thinking had I made my kids help more, I would still be able to work, at least somewhere, if not the medical field I was in. I loved my job, I loved working with people, but no more because now im so worn down and the meds I take are too strong for me to be in my former job. your older kids are also old enough to sit them down and tell them "mom is sick" and you guys need to pitch in and help. set up chores for them, you get your chores done you can do your after school stuff or whatever, but they need to know. this is something I didn't do either now my kids are 36,34, and 28 when I told them what was going on they looked at me like I had 3 heads. if only I had told them earlier, because now they don't believe me, and that's because I worked my butt off doing everything for them pushing thru the pain and im paying for it now. if your kids are told now, maybe they are still young enough to be self centered to the point they don't blow you off. talk about negative lol, but in all seriousness take care of yourself, tell the kids, and make them help. down the road it will be easier on them.....I promise, but more importantly hang in there, your worth it.....
Do you have a crockpot? I have found you can cook about any thing in them. I do not work any more but when I did my kids helped a lot. Now my grandkids 8 and 5 are a big help. At one time I did have a lady come in once a month and clean. My grandkids are in sports and my son worked out with another parent to split the practices so it was easier on both. I think you are one the right track and hope you soon can find some thing that will work well for you and your family.
I total understand how you are feeling, because I am going through the same! It’s good to vent and talk about it. Life is overwhelming as it is and on top if that having a chronic illness it’s so tough. Your mind tells you one thing and your body says no I can’t do that. With kids it’s tough, they require so much time and energy and there is nothing left for yourself at the end of the day.
Someone said it right on here! Prioritize!!! Also learn to say no to things you can’t do. Yes, do have your kids help out. Also every day find some small time just for yourself and do something you enjoy, or just relax.
I am full time and self employed. I take care of my friends two kids. I also clean my house, laundry ect. My husband helps out with cooking and does the grocery shopping.
Some days I feel so overwhelmed too. I started taking time on the weekend for myself. I also started the 6 yr old on small chores and he earns a quarter for each chore, He is happy with that too.
Because I “look” well people find it hard to understand what I am going through and they actually get mad because I say no to things. I still say no!
I have a to do list with the important things on top and I cross off as I go along and what doesn’t get done is for the next day. However at the end of the day, I look at the crossed off items on the list and I smile that I was able to get those things done and there will always be another day.
Even with all of this advice please understand its good to talk it helps.
Wishing you well!