Fear that eats you

Since the beginning of this, which I still am in the beginning really - if you think about it, I’ve been optimistic, depressed, scared, and feel very isolated. Today I went to get an ultrasound done on my gallbladder. They said the Dr will call me Monday. That’s nice, give me a weekend to freak out if your going to put me under the knife, or if I need a new med to add to the list. Either way another random thing to add to my day. I’m a very optimistic person, but lately since the gallbladder attacks randomly in the nite and the pains from everything else - I’m just not happy. I wanna do something or not worry about getting hit w the pain and the tired. My husband saw me at my lowest, I doubt he actually knew what he saw, tired and hungry and thirsty and I just didn’t wanna do what I needed to. Then I looked at him and pushed. We walked all over that hospital to go to the ultrasound room to find out that I missed my appt but they squeezed me in. They were not happy, regardless how horrible I looked or pale or ya know on the verge of death- bah! That push plus my sick son this morning, stress ate at me til when I came home I collapsed on the couch w his sickyness and we snuggled and slept til I needed to do the next thing. So every day is a battle be it the pain or the pain of having your loved ones see you at your lowest - I’m gonna struggle this out, put my pants on like everyone else and keep moving.

Hi Sami-Jo. I had my gallbladder out long before my SS was dx'd. It wasn't fun, but I can tell you this- it was better than the pain I had been in. My recovery wasn't smooth sailing- but it was recovery and it did happen. For now, try not to stress too much and drink plenty of fluids. As for putting on your pants like everyone else- stop that. You need to learn how to put on your pants the way you put them on, not like everyone else. You may/ may not discover that with SS and life in general that there are/will be times when pants simply do not apply. We are all basically told that we have to 'tow the line', 'get it done', 'push through the pain' (I hope you're catching on to these examples)- these are good phrases, but for many people these are examples of some of the absolutely worse things you can say to a person. I'm not sure where you are on your journey, so I'm letting you know that if you're new to all this then you need to learn some new encouraging things- first is: it's okay to say No. It's perfectly acceptable to take a nap when you are tired. You do not have to do it all (no one has to do it all). Lean on your husband, and let him know he can still lean on you even though sometimes it might appear that you're about to topple over- this is where snuggling next to each other and holding hands are really good ideas.

Sorry to hear that your son was sick, I hope he's feeling better.

Things you must do pretty much regardless of how you feel: make certain small things that are dependent on you specifically get love and nourishment and more love. That you take care of yourself. That you don't forget the other important people in your life. Get help with everything else that you need help with. Sounds like you've got most of this figured out, but I thought you could use a little reminding right about now. (Some things perhaps those people at the hospital needed to be reminded of, sounds like a wheelchair may have been a little helpful for you, and a bit more patience).

Learn to pace yourself (I'm still learning), but if you're stressing out you need to do something fun and distracting. Hobbies are good things.

Hope you found some good pieces of advice in this rambling post and that none of it upset you. Please let us know what the doctor says,

Well, I just sent a response- apparently it needed to be "approved"... I actually wanted to read it in the larger print and then edit it. I don't know if this is a new security feature or if it's account related. So- if it got approved and this gets approved then:

Sorry to you and everyone else if my original post to you was really really really long.