In Pain, Stressed, Unfocused, & Frustrated

I have my first big exam of my most important course I'm taking this semester... Followed by another exam Tuesday... and a Career Fair Event Wednesday my resume is yet prepared for...

The thing is, I've never really been a procrastinator. All 4 years of college. This is my final semester, graduating in December... and I truly can't focus. I've sat myself down daily in front of my books and I don't know how time flies but I retain nothing. I don't know how I've spent all those hours attempting studying and blowing off anything fun--- in attempting to be dedicated... and I get nothing accomplished.

Same goes for cleaning the apartment. Same goes for really anything lately. My pain then becomes unbearable ... thinking about all the many tasks and to do's - to buy's .. how I don't have a job, tight on money... how I'm disappointing my parents.. how my peers, friends, and even family members don't fully understand how much I struggle & ache. And it's really hard not to give up & lay in bed for days after being so overwhelmed. Theres no one to help me. My friends and family thousands of miles away.

Getting in contact with my doctor and through the receptionist is nearly impossible. It's been weeks of playing phone tag... I don't know what to do. Where to start. My fingers hurt so much... yet so much writing to do in the next few hours... still so much to review and memorize for tonight's exam.....

I'm sorry to complain. I'm so new to this. A little depressed as I already suffered from depression and then life throws such an unheard of autoimmune disease by so many... at age 22.

I know God has a reason for everything, but it would help so much if there were more treatments, doctors who understood, anything close to an answer... instead of so many damn questions.....

Where do I beginnnnn


I wish I knew how to begin to help you.

Although my symptoms didn't start until much later, I think you may know by now that I have daughters who deal with the same issues each and every day. My youngest daughter, Leah, was supposed to graduate last May but lost the entire semester when she was diagnosed with Guillain Barre which knocked her flat on her back for the past six months. She now is back home and taking only two classes to try to get back in the swing of things gradually. She, too, suffered from depression and anxiety even before this happened to her. When she's had the occasional meltdown and asks the perfectly acceptable question, "Why me???" I feel so helpless because I have no answers to give her. I can only remind her that she's accepted her challenges with grace and with strength.

My middle daughter, Megan (now 24) has been diagnosed with lupus since she was 11 so doesn't even remember what it feels like to not be sick.

While we can never say that we can "overcome" these challenges life sends us, we can only pray for the grace to accept and handle them as best we can. Do you have a therapist to talk to? Is there anyway you have the option to slow down your busy life?

In the mean time, I know that you have an overwhelming few days ahead of you. Just know that we are all pulling for you!


HI Swootie, welcome to the group! Glad you posted!

I have talked to my Rheumatologist as far as the lack of concentration and retention, and he tells me simply it is from chronic pain and lack of sleep due to chronic pain.

As far as the duties you so easily breezed through when well, it's hard to live up to those days. Make your life as easy as you can and as easy to maintain as you possibly can!

Here is a link to a story that explains our situation very well, I think.

Wishing you enough spoons,



I guess I am "blessed" that I didn't get hit with the force of these diseases until I was in my 40's..but then I was dealing with other stuff when I was in college and that wasn' t much fun either. I only made it through two years of college due to mental illness. My thirties were good. That was the best decade of my life. Then came 40's and WHAM! I know now how hard it is to read a book when by the time you turn a page, you've already forgotten what was on the page before. I can't imagine trying to go to takes a lot of courage and persistence to do what you are doing and you have the support of all of us here. Keep on pushing yourself --but also be gracious with yourself. Give yourself breaks. to rest or to take a walk and change your surroundings. (that's assuming you can walk and call it "relaxing" and not "Hell") Try to get enough sleep...if that truly is what is causing your fogginess maybe sleeping a little more can help.. I don't know what quality of sleep you have. Eat food that is good for have so many physical difficulties you need good food (fruits and veggies) to fuel your brain and reduce your inflammation.. Be well and don't be afraid to come here for support.

If you can talk to your instructors about what you are struggling with maybe they will be able to help you (just relieving a little stress could help you focus better), most will try, if you can take some information about how common your issues are, it may help those who are not familiar with it be a bit more understanding and helpful. That is what they are being paid to do, you deserve help. Everybody does. Good luck, prayers and best wishes. oxo

Reading everyone’s comments is extremely helpful. I can’t thank you all enough for listening and sharing your story and advise.

Today’s been so rough. Trying to get through the day and my next exam without having a breakdown .

Couldn’t help myself from crying this morning. Had to excuse myself from class. It was the simplest thing too that just set me off, broke me down from the strong front I’ve been putting up for so long.

My knees kill. Mouth sore. Fingers swollen. Pain swallowing, walking, even holding onto the steering wheel driving. Picking up a fricken pencil is a struggle. I feel so pathetic.

My professors don’t seem to understand and I’m scared I’m not going to be able to get a job.
I almost don’t care yet I do. I’ve always cared about my grades. Yet now I feel hopeless. Like there’s no longer a point in trying. And I don’t even enjoy the subject matter, my major… But three months left. Then what? What will I physically be able to do for a job. I can’t see myself working the 50-70 hour accounting internship or job in the spring. Ahg…

Well I know what you feel my daughter was diagnosed early this year she’s your age althought I suspect that she had it for several years but you know the problem of this diagnosis .she had a full active life working , captain of basketball team and also a brilliant student .
So far we are trying to avoid the classical treatment .fasting ,smoothies , gluten and dairy free diet really helps a lot in addition to a lot of supplements ( vitD , omega369 , borage oil vit C , ip6 )
I know it is hard but I believe things happen for a reason keep your spirits high and don’t give up

Dear Swootie, so sorry for your stress. You are too young to be experiencing so many overwhelming challenges. Don't be so hard on yourself. You don't have to be brave all the time. Yes this illness changes us, but it doesn't define us. Take baby steps. If your December graduation is the most important thing right now, then just work on that. If they can provide some extra help at school, ask for it, accept it. Does your family know what you are going through? You have to let them in, if you haven't already. You need to surround yourself with as much support as you can. I have a daughter a bit older than you. I'm speaking to you as a Mom. Remember, one step at a time. Make a list, and every time you accomplish something, know you are closer to your goal. Also, get tough with your Dr's office. Don't be so nice. Make it clear to them you are in pain and must see the doc ASAP. In other words......go all "Jersey" on them. I can say that cause I'm a Jersey girl with a great deal of attitude.

Sending peace and love your way.

My parents know but they don't quite understand. My father is a nurse and he is more empathetic to how I'm feeling and trying to understand what I'm going through. He'd agree, I'm not being forceful enough with the doctors office and hates the way they've been operating. It's already almost halfway into the semester and they're still in the process of saying they'll email or mail me a doctors note so I can get extra assistance if need be ~ and at least be able to bring a laptop to one of my classes instead of wearing down my fingers hand writing notes for a 4 hour lecture, in extreme pain. -___- At least I can count on him being forceful if I don't get through to them on Monday.